the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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