So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
