I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i've created a new STD.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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