So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
