Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
