Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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