Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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