Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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