i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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