I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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