YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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