Having a random hookup so left but love u
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
