you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
