I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
