Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
