Only a mothe r could love this liver
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
