She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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