I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
