like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
