y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
