If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
