you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
