Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
