Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
