It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
