OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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