it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
