I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
