Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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