i permit you to call me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
