It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
