I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
