Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
