her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
