the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
