you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
