a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
