this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
