I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
