I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
