I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
