I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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