Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
