she was so not down for the gang bang
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
