I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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