Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
