i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
