He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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