I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
