Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
