Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
