I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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