i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
