we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ttyl tear gas
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
