She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
